the last word

I remember… waaay back when I was still at St. Andrew’s Elementary school

I was sitting in the gymnasium with all 150 kids in my school listening to some teacher giving a presentation.

Now this may not be very interesting… but when the presentation was over, this would always happen…

how juvenile :D

This situation, for me at least, relates to a certain… discomfort I have with not having the last word.

I would be having a perfectly great conversation… the topic is interesting… we share laughs… we gain insight into each others worlds…

But then you can feel the conversation starting to hit the brakes. It usually starts with a weak laugh, or an awkward pause. Then one of you try to resuscitate the conversation by trying to add something extra to the last conversation topic. Almost a 90% fail there too!

Anyways, when the conversation does end, I can never be the one without the last word. It feels so awkward not having it!

I’m not being egotistical I swear!

For example,

I am terrible with goodbyes. Even when I say it first, then the other person says it back to me (out of courtesy of course), I always feel compelled to say goodbye… AGAIN

I think it might be because I grew up with parents that constantly gave me orders…

Do this! and Do that!

And they would always ask if I understood them. Of course, I would say “yes” in return. Thereby confirming the relaying of information. If I didn’t answer it would always come back 10 fold! Parents would always ask if I got it, then question why I was cheeky enough to not answer in the first place…

Then probably a ritual asian beating with the chicken feather stick! D:

With this sense of responsibility of confirming information, I always feel bad “leaving people hanging” on the conversation. I feel that if I don’t get the last word, they will always be thinking “and then…?” or “so…..?”

And whenever I don’t get the last word. I always get anxious thinking, “did that conversation go well? I hope they don’t think less of me!”….

Add this one to my psycho file D:

jL out!