most entertaining jog

Having nothing better to do after work, and not wanting to waste such a beautiful day…

I got home

Whipped off my pants

Put on my short shorts

and went for a run :)

Now this was not an off-the-cuff decision, I was driving back home (oh that 30 min drive) and during the whole drive I had a mental debate about whether I should run or not. It wasn’t a very elaborate discussion, but tough none the less! It went a little something like this…

“I should run…”

“fuck I hate running…”

“but it’s so sunny outside!”

“fuck I HATE running…”

“but you get to be all healthy and stuff!”

“FUCK I HATE RUNNING!”

“fuckin run you fat douchebag”

So listening to the psycho asshole in my mind, I whipped off the pants and put on the shorts. Now before I could run, there is one IMPORTANT thing I always have to have before I do any exercise. The Playlist

Now for a run, I always like to stack my playlist with a lot of fast paced rock and rap songs. In my mind, listening to a hardcore song makes me want to just run like a mother fucker. Some of my most effective songs are:

Readymade – RHCP

Skeptics and True Believers – The Academy Is

DOA – Foo Fighters

Misery Business – Paramore

Here we go – Pitbull, Dirtbag, Timbaland

OH and don’t forget… the Power Ranger THEME SONG :D

Basically, I need my soundtrack to make me feel like a total badass. So I can go like… Ef you small lung capacity! This guitar solo basically makes me HEMAN master of the universe! Suck it!

So I got my music blasting, my short shorts groovin, and I’m setting a good starting pace for my run around the block. I was doing pretty good, though I lost my breath like 5 billion times throughout the run… I did not vomit. I pride myself on that :]

But during my run, I did not expect to see the entertaining things I did.

1) During my first stretch I apprached a fellow jogger. She was having a tough time, breathing heavy, and doing that thing where she’s bent over and waving me off kinda saying “go on without me!”. Now the most entertaining thing about this girl was that she was wearing light up shoes! I remember wearing those way back in elementary school. Those were so bad ass! I can only imagine how pissed off the teacher was when every other second she would see a random flash of light as I stomped my foot just to see the lights.

2) As I ran past the park, I saw this grown man on the playground. Now I don’t knock that… cause on more than one occasion I have been known to take over playgrounds to play the oh so lovable game of “lava tag”. Or “grounders” as you vancouverites like to call it. But the funny thing was this grown man was using the monkeybars to do pullups :D This idea crossed my mind before. As I do not want to invest in my own door bar. But this guy was 6ft tall on a 5ft monkeybar. His knees buckled and lifted off the sand. Good thing pedowatch wasn’t there cause it looked hilarious!

3) School was out and I saw some school kids at a bus stop. I hate running into younger kids while I exercise. I know in reality they probably won’t notice me, but being extrememly vain… I always think that they are talking about me. However, the entertaining thing about these two was that I guess the boy was trying to make a move on his girlfriend? Or something, but the girl saw me jogging towards them, breathing heavy, eyes delirous from being so fat. But I could see the boy’s hand slowly, oh so slowly go for her butt. And then the girl did the most entertaining “fuck off” slap to his hand. Like a mother spanking away a kids hand from the cookie jar. I couldn’t help but laugh :D which probably wasn’t the best idea cause she then gave me angry eyes D:

4) as I was approaching my house, on my last stretch of roadwork. There were a group of kids walking in the back alley of my street… singing Justin Bieber… enough said!

I think I’ll try this new fad called jogging.

I believe it jogging or yogging…

it might be a soft “j”

jL out!